Happy Father’s Day: Classic dad comments
In the lead-up to Father’s Day, we asked our readers to share something funny, crazy or embarrassing that they’ve heard their dad say. We received some amazingly entertaining responses, ranging from their inability to keep up with technology, to their favourite (frequently repeated) comments, words of wisdom and, of course, the ‘dad jokes’.
It seems that the timeless dad jokes live on:
“Why are cemeteries so popular? Because people are dying to get in!”
But some dads are clearly keeping up with the times:
“Why don’t you give Elsa a balloon?” “Because she’ll let it go, let it go!”
Any dad with a young daughter will appreciate that one. I’ll be using it!
Clearly there are dads who are struggling to adapt to today’s world, in particular what one of our reader’s dad refers to as “FREDS – Freaking Ridiculous Electronic Devices!”
Despite this, some dads are doing their best to embrace the technology:
“I had a look on the interweb and I bought something on the line.”
…or not: “I can sit on Facebook all day too,” as he sits on his phone.
It’s not just in relation to technology that some of our dads don’t have a clue. One of our readers recounted a story of having been invited to a picnic and asked to bring a plate. “Dad literally brought a plate – an empty one!”
And then there’s the embarrassing dad comment, which he produces in front of his teenage daughter and her friends: “If only dog turds were figs, we’d have them all year round!”
We also know dads love to bestow their wisdom upon their kids:
“If you didn’t save up for it, you won’t appreciate it!”
…and sometimes with a bit of inspiration:
“Son, the difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little bit extra.”
…but often to keep kids in line:
“Always tell the truth, no matter what you have done, we will find out in the end.”
As dads get older and become what one reader’s dad refers to as being “Not a spring onion anymore,” many love to remind us how different it was back in their day: “We were grateful to have a packet of Smarties for Christmas and a can of condensed milk for our birthday.”
And they become intolerant of those who breach some of society’s protocols, like noisy eaters:
“Is that the first toffee you’ve ever eaten?”
…those who leave the door open:
“Were you born in a tent?”
…or leave the lights on:
“What is this, a lighthouse?”
And there are those who just can’t let an opportunity pass…
“Dad, I’m hungry”
“Hi Hungry, I’m dad!”
“Where are you going dad?”
“Mad. Do you want to come?”
Or the Dad who can’t help himself driving past a Toyota Echo: “Echo, Echo, Echo.”
And perhaps most importantly, there are the dads who are able to articulate how all of us with kids feel:
“Having you as my daughter, is like falling in love for the first time when I was 12, but every day!” Here here.
But best of all are the classic dad comments, which we’ve ranked into the top seven:
7. “He’s so short he’d have to stand on a brick to kick a duck in the ass.”
6. “I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.”
5. “Never raise a hand to your child, it leaves your groin unprotected.”
4. “If the shirt fits – lift more weights so you can take on more.”
3. “Treat any problem as a dog would. If you can’t eat it or hump it, p*ss on it and walk away.”
2. “Follow your passion, love life and spend more time with your family. Work hard but enjoy life.”
And the winner of our Father’s Day competition:
1. “Give everything a go – you’re dead for a long time.”
Thanks to everyone who provided comments. Sorry we couldn’t include them all!
To all the dads, we hope you had a fabulous Father’s Day. Keep the jokes coming!
Oh wait, I nearly forgot: “Pull my finger!”